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As a friend of an artist I commissioned before approached me and mentioned that I came off as obnoxious, pushy and rude for giving out criticism after my last commission went a bit awry, I'm really confused and sad now, because I never intended to come off as that. I really find her to be a nice person and like her art, so I planned to stick to her as my "to-go"-artist.

To clarify:
I commissioned a cover for a story I wrote, paid 40 dollars and gave every detail in the notes. After waiting several months, I received it and while I really liked the quality, a few (important) details were forgotten and/or ignored, and I got the impression that she works chaotically. As I wasn't entirely satisfied with it, I asked her if she could do the changes and that I want to talk to her about a different topic later (the criticism) and she agreed to the changes.
Then I sent a note with all the criticism and friendly advice, which she thanked me for and explained herself professionally, which I found excellent, because I always fear that the person on the other end might rage at me. So considering that she is still young (No offense, but my experiences tell that it are mostly the younger ones who can't take it well), I found it very impressive! And now I have to hear that she actually took it very harshly.

This is my note for everyone who is interested:

To be frankly, the only sentence which I could find rude is the assumption that she works chaotically, that she did those things where she wasn't entirely sure on her own without asking me first and where I asked her to think about my points, as I would it find really sad to lose her (As if I would be her only customer).
And now I'm asking myself what I have done terribly wrong that the artist thinks of me as a jerk and that I would think I would be too good for her art. After trying to get out more information of the friend, he told me that Americans take it differently.

So my questions are:
Where did I appear as a jerk and is this sort of a mentality-thing, where it's considered rude in the US of A to give out unwanted criticism? Because at least here in Germany if you are presenting your work to the public, you are simultaneously free to be criticized and shouldn't complain about that, as long as its friendly and constructive.

Advice is really appreciated, as I would like to keep good business relations to artists I commission and not destroy them because they were actually offended by something.

THX 11-38 in advance!

EDIT 1: Edited for clarity.

EDIT 2: Cut isn't working, so I'll just point to my first post in the comments, which contains further explanation and replies to some comments.

EDIT 3: After receiving a confusing answer from the artist to my apology so I have finally no idea what to think and/or do, I'll just leave her alone. I consider the matter resolved - sort of. Thank you for all your answers, as they really helped me showing my wrongdoings and how to behave in future commissions!

EDIT 4: Now my commissions were deleted (also replaced with a simple placeholder-image) from her site with a text that I harrassed and treated her bad, she would fear for her safety and no refunds would be eministered. She also blocked me from commenting and messaging her, making me wonder how I am going to get those images back in case my HDD dies.
Now that's what I call an overreaction...
Artist's beware has moved!
Do NOT repost your old bewares. They are being archived.


May. 5th, 2017 09:10 pm (UTC)
To answer this, I'll have to give out some details, which I deemed irrelevant before. I hope nobody minds.

After the corrected picture was uploaded, I posted a comment that it was now really done and that she could consider the commission completed. I also sent the artist a note asking if she was ready for round 3 (contact was jovial until the critique-note) and she simply replied that it depended on the costs and she would go on hiatus for a month after May. I responded by giving a short description to get an idea about the roughly costs and mentioned that I won't push her into doing it as soon as possible of course.

Later that day, I received a comment from the friend of hers to mine:
"So you're the one who likes space pirate tanks....
I'm pretty sure Yalena Krustinova would kick your T72's bum xD"

So pretty much harmless and I decided to play along a bit, until the friend asked me for Discord, so we could RP with our OCs. I accepted and the following night, we did the Chat-RP for a few days. While playing I realized that Chat-RPs would stress me out on the long run, so I expressed my concern with reasons why I prefer forum-RPs more. Then we had a small, still harmless arguing about RPs - until he mentioned in passing (Really, I'm sure that he didn't intend in the first place to tell me and if he wouldn't have said it, I would be still clueless today) that the artist had showed him the commissions and notes I sent her and that I was rude and pushy. That was the point where I stopped discussing and questioned him. Calm and friendly, of course.

The following conversation was confusing, because he jumped between topics (RPs and the artist) and partly ignored my questions where I have been rude to explain the artists feelings to me. He then mentioned the note with that criticism and said, that the artist took it very harshly, thought that I think that I'm too good for her art and that she considers not taking my commissions or charging me anymore. And that he would be her best friend, so if I bothered her, I bother him and she thinks that I'm a jerk. Followed by more stuff about RPs and that Americans take things differently.

So I thanked him for giving me a heads up, said I'll try to sort things out with her and then he replied that I need to sort out things with him too. Finished by the comment that the artist dislikes that I don't care if I bothered him and that he's the only one who can convince her to do my commissions.

As it was already very late and all the new information was too much to handle for me at that point, I suggested to let it rest that day and continue discussing on the next one.


Sorry if it was confusing to read, but if you want, I can give you the chat history.

Edited at 2017-05-05 09:17 pm (UTC)
May. 5th, 2017 10:25 pm (UTC)
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