Refund them.

You shouldn't be made to feel crappy for doing what is best for you. Yeah, it's going to upset the customer, but as you said- it's outside your means right now to do this commission. Your offline life has taken priority and the refund is the best option.

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices and it may upset the customer, but you are definitely doing the right thing by saying "Hey, I can't do this, here's your refund" instead of making them wait an infinite amount of time.

There will be someone else out there who can do it, they just have to be willing to look for them. Refund them. They may be upset, but there is no reason for you to feel bad about doing the right thing in this case.

Refund them.
They aren't a real friend given how they're ignoring your plight and trying to guilt trip you into doing something you don't want to.

Flat out explain to them a flat out 'Look. Don't have time for this now. We can revisit it another time. I don't feel comfortable holding on to funds when I'm unsure when/if I can finish the project.'

Refund it back to them. If they accept it, good for them. If they don't accept it. Good for them.
You are doing your duty and you can't control other people's actions.


--two cents.

I'll have to link a friend of mine who is going through this (though it's not with a friend but a customer of theirs), and is too meek to accept they don't want the refund.

Echoing everyone else:
Refund them, explain as calmly as you can why, and leave it at that.

I have done this myself and yes, just flat out refund them.

What everyone else said - just refund them. A situation that was unexpected and out of your control that you're still recovering from, is that really a time when you need to stress of a commission hanging over you? A commissioner having to find another artist, yeah maybe that's annoying, but it is NOT the same sort of stress at all. A friend would understand that. They'll probably be miffed and pull more guilt-tripping on you when you refund them, but that's a reflection on them, not you.

It is not their choice unfortunately and you are not a bank for them to keep a deposit in, refund them.

Refund!

Yes, refund. If they attempt to send it back to you, refund that and state that any returns on it will be considered a DONATION because no work will be done.

You need to focus on you first and foremost.

Thank you all for your honest advice. I really appreciate it. It's reassuring to know I am not in the wrong to give them a refund.

I've refunded friends in the past, and I never had someone guilt trip me this bad before..they're a friend, and they know how hard my life is, but won't be realistic with me. I simply lost all motivation for the project. I just hope they don't go in a fit once I refund them and get super emo. If they do..there is the mute button, right?

Edited at 2015-12-12 06:33 am (UTC)

Have to echo everyone else, refund, they cannot -force- you to keep the job, shit happens work has to be canceled, and your "friend" cant be allowed to guilt you into doing this massive project.

From personal experience, refund them.
I had an extremely similar situation happen. I felt horrible for trying to refund them, bc my friend at the time really seemed to want the commission, but the situation completely backfired on me for trying to just tough it out and keep working on the commission despite lack of time and energy due to some really horrible life stuff, which I thought said friend understood. She totally did a 180 on me though, she totally blew up on me. Not saying your friend would, but its still better to just do what's best for yourself and take the stress off if/when you can!

Ditto what everyone else said.

I don't think it was mentioned, but you could tell the commissioner that if they feel so strongly about the commission then they can commission you for it once again down the road when you're in a better situation. Since you're a friend, you could probably afford to be more casual when telling them.

Here's what I might say:

"Hey, I'm truly sorry for this, but I really need to refund you for this commission because my real life situation isn't the best for it to be hanging over my head right now. I hope you can understand that my work ethic just can't tolerate the fact that I'll be keeping a customer waiting indefinitely, and it will continue to stress me out if I don't do this. If you really want to commission me for it, then please commission me at a later date when I open for these kinds of commissions and can handle the work! I honestly would be glad to do make it for you when I'm in a better place -- you can trust me on that. Thank you for being so flexible and open with this, and I'm happy that you put so much faith in me that you'd be willing to wait indefinitely for it. Really, thank you! I'll refund you for now but I hope we can work together again in the future! :)"

Or something along those lines? It's up to you, honestly.

(edited for grammar)

Edited at 2015-12-12 05:59 pm (UTC)

I would personally refund them, regardless. It's the right thing to do in the long run, in my opinion.

Make them accept a refund, it's better for all involved (speaking from having been in this position). If they're a real friend they'll understand.