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Unsure what to do about a former friend

EDIT: Beware of this person has been posted. Not sure if I should link.

Hello, A_B. I decided to join LJ so I could explain my problem since my friend tried to help me and failed. (I really apologize for that)

I'm aware I made several mistakes during the transaction and interaction, but I'm aware of how I went wrong and point it out as I go as far as I can remember. Onto the story.
 
A while ago I got into fursuiting and joined a group on dA specifically for it. Then I came across the girl (who I will not name) and commented on her partial. We started to become friends and found we had lots in common. I gave her my facebook since she didn't have any other form of messaging and we talked through there. Everything is all rainbows and sunshine.

Later on I start working on my own partial and come to a huge problem: I can't fur things to save my life. So I start talking to this friend about it and she offers to fur it for me, in exchange for a head base I had already made. But, she requests (this is kind of an important part, at least to me) that I make a bunny muzzle so she can make a bunny goat out of it. So we exchange addresses and I get a big box and put both heads and fur fabric inside. Giving her the payment at the same time was my second mistake, right after trusting a 13 year old I met on the internet. I'm clingy and I trust people really quick, I know that.

It gets to her house, and during a stream she shows it to me to prove that she has it and has worked on it. She then shows me a progress picture on facebook. Very quick, I was happy.

But then my best friend told me she was being mean to him in chats and/or comments on fb. And she repeatedly said I should break up with my girlfriend. I was mildly annoyed, but I let it slide since I assumed she was joking with the latter.

About a month or so goes by. I wanted the head back so I could take it to a meeting. So I give her a due date. She had worked so fast on most of it and it looked like she didn't have much left to finish, so why not?
She said she couldn't and apologized, and that she couldn't take pictures either so she just sent me the first picture again and I took that.

Another month goes by and I pester her a little about it. I believe at this point she took another picture, and it looked exactly the same as before. I was a little surprised. She was still being mean about my friends, and I was starting to get mad. But I felt like I couldn't tell her to stop or do anything since she still had my head.

Around this time she said that she was working on her own suit, a dragon. In a journal post she said for a head base she was going to use a head from a trade she did "a long time ago". Then posted pictures of said WIP a few days later. Immediately I noticed it was the same head base I had traded with her, though the nose was modified. This wouldn't bother me so much if she hadn't specifically asked for a bunny muzzle that I had worked hard to make so she could just rip it off and create a new one from scratch.

This time I pestered her about getting my head back, since I assumed she had finished it. She had it for four months in total. I know that's not a long time to wait for a fursuit head, but she had gotten everything except the end of the snout and ears done within a week or so of receiving it.

I got a response with a long list of things that had happened to her recently as a reason why she couldn't send it. Her mom had lung problems and fought with her dad and he kicked them out and now they barely get money and I forget the rest. She did end up sending it, but with a little surprise and my major complaint: When I opened the box, the entire head reeked of smoke and had to sit in our garage for another month to air out. Her mom is a (possibly former) smoker.

She does not warn of this anywhere on the things she sells, nor did she tell me about it. Not on the stuffed animals, the suit heads, the tails, any lot at all. I'm not allergic, but what if somebody was and bought an item from her? That's my major concern.

Today I found an auction by her of a lot of fursuit items. One of these is the head base that I had traded with her, almost completely unrecognizable. Though I don't have a problem with that. What I do have a problem with is the lack, again, of smoke warning.

So I comment on her auction warning buyers about this. She deleted my comment and put a "smoke-free home" label at the end of the description. In one of my last conversations with her she did say her mom quit, but I know that fursuit head has been sitting in smoke for at least a few months.

I'm concerned but I don't really know if I should actually be angry with her or if I reacted wrong.

Sorry for the length and any mistakes.

Community Tags:

Artist's beware has moved!
Do NOT repost your old bewares. They are being archived.
https://artistsbeware.info/

Comments

( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
mrst4nkr
Jun. 4th, 2012 12:21 am (UTC)
Ugh~

No. Unless the homeowners switched out the carpets, cleaned out the vents and filters, and repainted the walls + ceiling to get rid of the LAYERS of nicotene in the house... only then would it stop smelling like the slightest bit of cigarette smoke.

I'm very allergic. :C I am super unhappy about her selling things with an incorrect label.

That, enough, is worth a warning. IMHO.

The rest of it, I'm really sorry to hear about.
:/ Personally, I would have avoided dealing with a minor.
growly
Jun. 4th, 2012 12:38 am (UTC)
I agree with all of this. I've received items that reeked of smoke and it was horrible. I got a suit head from a smoking home that had to air out for MONTHS before I could stand to put it on.

Kids aren't even allowed to sell on auction sites as far as I've seen.
nomsocks
Jun. 4th, 2012 07:14 pm (UTC)
They aren't. I had to wait until I was 18 until I could join the auction site where this was posted.
And I didn't even know she had this account until after I discovered the auction.
nomsocks
Jun. 4th, 2012 07:05 pm (UTC)
A lot of my friends are minors and super smart and awesome, so I fell into trusting her because of that. Stupid, I know.
mrst4nkr
Jun. 4th, 2012 10:28 pm (UTC)
Oh, I didn't mean don't befriend them. I simply meant avoid doing business with people who can't legally be held to a contract.
nomsocks
Jun. 4th, 2012 10:42 pm (UTC)
I know what you meant, I'm just saying that's why I did what I did.
sarla23
Jun. 4th, 2012 12:39 am (UTC)
I'd go ahead and post her name.
I'm allergic to smoke, too, and seeing things like that makes me really angry. I understand that living with a smoker, as a minor, isn't in her control, but she still needs to let her customers know of any potential hazards that may be imbedded in the fabric.
clockmagic
Jun. 4th, 2012 12:43 am (UTC)
Ugh This. And I've been on those auction sites buying head bases for friends (some of which have asthma). If they come from homes where people have smoked I need to know this. D:

Edited at 2012-06-04 12:46 am (UTC)
shukivengeance
Jun. 4th, 2012 12:47 am (UTC)
Generally we prefer names to be kept out of advice posts, not just because identifying the person has no bearing on how our members should advise the OP, but also because advice posts are approved without the weight of evidence we require for beware - and naming the person would turn the post into a beware.
sarla23
Jun. 4th, 2012 12:49 am (UTC)
I see and this post doesn't have any hard evidence provided.

If such evidence exists, OP, I'd consider making a formal beware post.
nomsocks
Jun. 4th, 2012 07:07 pm (UTC)
I only have evidence of the exchange between us and two progress pictures, along with another taken at my house.

I wish I had thought to screencap the auction where she was selling this head, since she actually DID relabel the auction coming from a smoke free home.
sarla23
Jun. 4th, 2012 11:21 pm (UTC)
Any evidence at all would help strengthen your case.

Her attitude seems to be very horrible and she treated you and your work very poorly. I wouldn't want something I made for someone to be torn apart, redone, and resold.

To me, personal experience is good enough to mention the smell as you can't really provide proof for that online. I imagine that you weren't warned in the exchange between the two of you, since you mentioned it being a surprise.

I read the comments below between you and marus_puppy and see that you don't keep in contact with this girl anymore. He brings up some good points, though. Is there a third party that might be able to contact her on your behalf to explain some of these things? If so, be sure to screenshot this exchange. If she still refuses to understand the issue, it would help if you choose to make a beware post.

My big issue is that she could potentially be putting customers' lives in danger. This needs to be stated either to her or to people who may decide to purchase from her.
nomsocks
Jun. 5th, 2012 12:25 am (UTC)
I got the cap of the auction after a little looking. I didn't cap the comments since it seems my comment was screened as well as her response so there's no point.

I was not warned, I opened the box and attempted to get close and that's when I discovered the smell.

I was so tired of her attitude at the end that as soon as I received the head I blocked both her deviantART accounts. She then made another one just to ask me why I blocked her. Rude yes, but I've been pushed around a lot. Another friend of mine seems to still be in contact with her and has talked to her about this issue several times and she refuses to listen. Unfortunately those conversations took place on my friend's old account so I can't get screenshots of them.

marus_puppy
Jun. 4th, 2012 03:59 pm (UTC)
Sorry, I just want to clarify: this artist IS only 13, is that correct?

As someone said above, she cannot legally enter into any contracts because of her age, and so she shouldn't be dealing on auction sites in the first place. In addition, she absolutely should be warning people that her mom was/is a smoker. I have purchased game systems that have come from homes of smokers and they just... reek. Plastic, smelling like cigarettes for weeks! I can only imagine how absolutely awful a suit with all that foam, etc. would be.

If you consider her a friend, perhaps you should send her a note explaining why it's important to let people know that her items may smell of smoke. In my opinion, this isn't ~quite~ beware-worthy, because maybe she just doesn't know. We were all ignorant of things at one point or another and sometimes all it takes is for one person to give a valid reason why something is as it is to set them straight.

Also, if you take issue with how she is reselling your foam base, you should speak with her about that too. I'm unsure from your post if that's your main issue or not, but hopefully my comment helps.
nomsocks
Jun. 4th, 2012 07:12 pm (UTC)
This person was 13 when I interacted with her, but I no longer consider her a friend because of her behavior.

I put a comment on her auction warning people that it comes from a smoke free home. She deleted it. It resurfaced a while after I posted this beware, with a reply stating that "we do not smoke here anymore, if you don't know you shouldn't be involved." pretty much.

I don't really take issue with the fact that she's reselling it, but the fact that she specifically asked for me to make a modification and then she just ripped that right off. It kind of hurts me, but probably only a minor issue.
marus_puppy
Jun. 4th, 2012 09:40 pm (UTC)
I see. I wasn't sure what sort of advice you were looking for, so I tried to hit whatever I personally saw to be an issue.

I'm leaning more towards making a proper beware post if you can gather enough info because of that sort of attitude. It screams of not caring about her customers, though it might just have been backlash because of how you let people know about the environment she lives in (it would've been better to note her about it.)

The headbase issue is sort of sticky for me. On the one hand, there's legally nothing wrong with her changing the muzzle as i think it falls under right of first sale; on the other hand, I can see why you'd be upset with her use of it. It's misdirection, saying she wanted to make something out of it and instead ripping it apart and reselling it as something else all together...
nomsocks
Jun. 4th, 2012 10:46 pm (UTC)
Thank you, I appreciate it.

The only info I can gather is the screencap I just caught of the auction today where she says it comes from a smoke free home, two note conversations, and two progress shots all mentioned in a previous comment. I've never used LJ before so I don't really know how to post pictures yet, and I"m not exactly sure what qualifies as evidence, which is why I only posted for advice.

I don't think I would mention the modification much if I did post a real beware, since I see now that the smoke is more the issue.
marus_puppy
Jun. 5th, 2012 01:38 am (UTC)
Any screenshots of conversations, her auctions, etc. would count as far as evidence goes. And the mods in the end will let you know whether your evidence... "counts" enough? I can't think of a good way to put it, but they'll look over what you've collected and if they think you've included enough, then they'll approve it. You're welcome to add in any of your other minor complaints too, since you've already mentioned them here.
nomsocks
Jun. 5th, 2012 04:34 pm (UTC)
Okay, that makes sense. I'll give whatever I have.
celestinaketzia
Jun. 4th, 2012 11:05 pm (UTC)
Everything in this post is sound. She needs to understand that should someone have a severe allergic reaction, that her parents can be held liable since she, legally, cannot. If I put a fursuit head on that had been in the presence of cigarette smoke, I would be very, very ill very quickly.
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