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 How should i approach an artist that is obviously having an attitude with a client?

I paid for an item with shipping and i got this back a while ago

" Could you please send me your address? I will try to ship your product soon. We have to come up with 200 or the power company will shut us off. So i might have to wait to ship until my Veterans check comes in if thats okay. Its a measly 123 each month but it comes on the first. If you need your product before then i can ship it, but we may need the extra money this month to cover the cost of the electricity. Its up to you what you choose. Thank you for your business and support of  ********."

So okay, i was in no hurry. A bit annoyed, but i could wait. I sent them my address and told them i was okay with it.

That was over a week ago and i asked again about shipping and here is our conversation

Them: need your address.

Me: i gave it to you twice 8/ *insert address*
(i realize now i gave it to them once, but i had still given it to them. previously. But whatever, that was okay, a bit annoying but okay.)

Them: This is the first time I have received your address, and i had sent you a note saying that i didnt get paid until the first you then sent me one back saying that would be fine.
But i will skip dinner tonight and ship your equipment today.
( thats where they started to get rude.)

me: yes i did send it when i said i was okay with waiting. it's in my outbox.

them: I did not get that message from my mate and if your ok with waiting then why would you ask me if i shipped it yet?
But we will put it into the mail today.

me: i was, but i would like to know why it would take so long if i paid for it?

them: My mate and i just had a mis carriage and we have to pay for it, not to mention our electricity almost got cut off. So I had no choice but to use some of the shipping money you had sent for your commission to help pay for it. I was going to pay for it and send it once i got my check. But it will be shipped today or Monday at the latest . Im sorry again for the delay. I assure you we will not have another miscarriage.
(EXTREMELY rude now)

me: im truly sorry that you have problems, but i paid for it and honestly thats all my money should've gone to.

them: Without our electricity on i could not have completed the work, thank you so much for letting us mourn the loss of our unborn son your such a kind and understanding person.
(that really annoyed me. completely unprofessional)

a while later them: I just read your journal and your right your payment should have gone to your order im sorry to make you wait so long.

now i dont think i handled this too well, but what do you think and how could i have handled it better? i told them that i was okay with waiting but that the only problem i had was with the attitude and that i look forward to receiving the items;

"that is fine. the only problem i had was that you had an attitude about it.

i do not appreciate getting an attitude by someone i paid to do a job.

I look forward to see my items soon, my partner gave me the money for them as a gift and im very excited to wear the collar from her. "

I feel bad because they were having problems, and i understand. I guess i was to unsympathetic because i'm crabby? just looking for advice so i can handle this better and be nicer next time. also i dont know if this could be considered a beware so i will give the username if i am told that it can be considered one.

Edit 1: user is pollypuma, Here is a screencap for proof; http://www.iaza.com/work/110726C/iaza12206146228500.png

Edit 2: I have received the items today, and WAS given a tracking number not too long after i originally posted this.

This is resolved, but i really wont recommend the artist if you cant handle attitude. The fur lining of the collar is already falling off and i will have to ask a friend to help replace it 8/

edit 3: now the user posted a journal and sent a note asking me to have it removed. http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2564913/

The user is being continuously rude to me and badmouthing me on furaffinity as well as his 'mate'; http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2564913/ http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2565333/ screencaps have been taken in case the user deletes them before i can show my partner (they've been wanting to take their chances and order a collar from them because they like mine other than the glued fur problem) and  save just in case i need them in the future.

Edit 4: I would like to clarify that the only issue i had was the users attitude. Not the fact that they brought their personal life into it, as i had asked a question. the first thing that really annoyed me and was extremely unprofessional was this "I assure you that we will not have another miscarriage." If the user had simply left that and many other remarks out then i would have been much more sympathetic. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth when someone uses a tragedy to make their customers feel bad about asking about their items.
I commission very often and i have nothing but patience. Another user i had commissioned missed many deadlines with me, but kept me updated and was very polite, therefore i was nothing but polite and patient. As long as I am updated and met with a professional (or even friendly) attitude then all is fine. I may seem to have high expectations, but this is a business relationship and i do not expect any less than i would if i go to a store and ask for assistance.

Edit 5; the user is bashing me now and has been reported on FA. I have tried to remain calm for the most part and hope i did not lose my temper. It seems that the stress has gotten to pollypuma and i will highly recommend one does not commission this artist to avoid such 'drama' and other problems; http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/683/wwwfuraffinitynetjourna.png/


Artist's beware has moved!
Do NOT repost your old bewares. They are being archived.


( 118 comments — Leave a comment )
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Jul. 25th, 2011 06:56 pm (UTC)
Their problems are not your problems. You paid for something, they should have been responsible and delivered your item in a timely manner. If they wouldn't have gotten an attitude with you, and had kept you informed, it sound like this post wouldn't have been needed.
Jul. 25th, 2011 08:24 pm (UTC)
yes. all i asked for was an update.
(no subject) - snowhawk - Jul. 25th, 2011 11:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - poizenkat - Jul. 25th, 2011 11:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 25th, 2011 06:58 pm (UTC)
Why do so many people have the attitude that if they get arsey with a commissioner, the commissioner should be totally okay with whatever demands the artist makes?

People can be patient and understanding but not when they're immediately met with such a snippy and unprofessional retort. I am honestly sorry for her that she is having issues, as I'm sure you're sorry for her too, but to be perfectly blunt it's not the fault of the commissioner and you simply cannot expect everyone to be completely okay with their item that they have paid money for being put on indefinite hold. How are you to know when she will ship the item, if ever? Buying online can be a risky business and it's never a bad thing to put someone at ease when you are holding their money.
Jul. 25th, 2011 10:00 pm (UTC)
yeah pretty much 8/

i feel bad and all, but i really cant take any chances.
(no subject) - fenris_lorsrai - Jul. 25th, 2011 07:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 26th, 2011 11:41 pm (UTC)
But what he wont post is polly tried apologizing to him.
(no subject) - poizenkat - Jul. 27th, 2011 12:50 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 25th, 2011 07:14 pm (UTC)
What the hell? As everyone else says, their problems are not your problems, and they had no right to bollock on about their paycheck or their life when you hadn't asked - especially when it was a clear attempt to illicit sympathy.

YOU paid for your product AND shipping, them not having the money is in no way your problem, in fact them not having the money is them telling you that they have used money you've given them for a purpose that it wasn't meant for.

"I will skip dinner tonight"
Wow, what a load of woe-is-me, my life is so hard and it's all because of you, you big meanie commissioner!

You don't even necessarily HAVE to be nice and understanding. It's brilliant when a commissioner is, but they leave you in the dark and then start to bitch at you for not being understanding when you knew nothing of their problems? How can you be understanding when you know of nothing that you're supposed to be understanding towards?

Jul. 27th, 2011 12:39 am (UTC)
she did know about this, because when all of this happened in his life he posted a journal on FA explaining what was going on, so she cant use the "i didnt know about it" excuse
(no subject) - poizenkat - Jul. 27th, 2011 01:02 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - purpule - Jul. 28th, 2011 12:05 am (UTC) - Expand
(Screened comment)
Jul. 25th, 2011 08:15 pm (UTC)
Not really appropriate for AB. Please don't say stuff like that here.
Jul. 25th, 2011 08:08 pm (UTC)
I'd say list their name, and do you have any screenshots to back this text up? It's not that I don't believe you, but it'd be nice to have something other then copypasta to check out =o

Otherwise I'd simply tell them it's not your problem, and the way they brought up excuses (really personal ones at that) makes their credibility more and more lacking. I wouldn't believe a dang thing they said at that point.
Jul. 25th, 2011 08:21 pm (UTC)
i edited it, thanks.
(no subject) - poizenkat - Jul. 25th, 2011 08:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - neolucky - Jul. 25th, 2011 08:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - poizenkat - Jul. 25th, 2011 09:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - demon_merageshu - Jul. 26th, 2011 11:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - poizenkat - Jul. 27th, 2011 12:52 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 25th, 2011 08:20 pm (UTC)
I've had my share of life-happenings that have kept me from my commissions or my comic. But for the most part, I keep the details out of my business. My life has nothing to do with the transaction that the commissioner signed up for. And guilting your customer, "I'll skip dinner," is in terrible taste.

I feel awful for them, but telling everyone you had a miscarriage or your power is getting shut off is extremely tmi for a business relationship and only serves to make your customers very uncomfortable. There are much more appropriate ways to let people know that you are going through difficulties and you'll do your best to keep your end of the deal.
Jul. 25th, 2011 11:25 pm (UTC)
Frankly, considering how emotionally traumatic a miscarriage can be, I'm tempted to say that's a lie just to garner sympathy. I highly doubt that the majority of women who've had a miscarriage are just so happy to throw it out there for anyone.
(no subject) - magickitsune - Jul. 25th, 2011 11:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - grygon - Jul. 26th, 2011 12:36 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - harliquinnraver - Jul. 26th, 2011 04:03 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - demon_merageshu - Jul. 27th, 2011 12:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - harliquinnraver - Jul. 27th, 2011 04:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - harliquinnraver - Jul. 27th, 2011 04:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pollypuma - Jul. 27th, 2011 10:07 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - magickitsune - Jul. 27th, 2011 04:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 25th, 2011 09:04 pm (UTC)
Maybe if she answered better and well you would let them mourn. :/
They are using a miscarriage to guilt trip you? Really?
I have...no ...ugh.

I am sorry they lost their baby, but she is not making it any better by acting the way she is.
Make an actual beware, because at this point all she is doing is guilt tripping you.
Jul. 25th, 2011 09:31 pm (UTC)
Okay, gonna go on a limb here because I don't know how things are really for you and for her.

However, I'd say this is a 50/50 situation. Yes, they were rude and snappy, and yes, their problems are not your problems, but your lack of empathy would have put me off too.

Let me explain. Up to 'me: i was, but i would like to know why it would take so long if i paid for it?' your behavior has been more than up to standards. I honestly don't know where they are from (I'm assuming USA since most artists I know live there, but I'm again going on a limb) and I ignore if you pay for a miscarriage for real where they live, but since everybody seems to be taking this as legit, I will assume she did have a miscarriage and she did need to pay the hospital bills.

She did react badly, and she did handle the deal very badly, but please, keep in mind they (allegedly?) lost a baby. In that situation, unfortunately, your shipping would slip anyone's mind. In front of losing a baby and having to actually pay for it, probably your shipping didn't seem so high priority.

You, in turn, could have probably used a little more sensitivity. 'Sorry but give me what I paid for' sounds a lot like 'Your unborn baby is none of my business'; which is true, mind you, but it's a very callous and insensitive way to treat someone. They were in a bad spot - and believe me, they will be for a while for a baby's death is a wound that never heals completely - and blew it out of proportion. From then on they evidently are lashing out at you, but in all honesty I can't say you handled this well.

As someone said before the miscarriage deal is TMI, but once the bomb has been dropped, stepping around it and saying 'okay that sucks but where's my stuff' is not polite. Nobody expects you to cry over their problems, but a simple 'I'm sorry for your loss, I had no idea. Thanks for shipping it today anyway.' would have been a better move. You reprimanded them after they told you 'uh baby is dead'. They're unprofessional and rude, but all considered, you didn't play your cards too well either.
Jul. 25th, 2011 09:53 pm (UTC)
Well it seemed by their wording that it was ready to ship and all that was needed was my address, which i had given already. I've been told that they couldnt AFFORD shipping that i had PAID for. I've been told that THAT was the problem, not the miscarriage.

If they had not been so rude then i would have been much more sympathetic. Much more.

As I said, i posted for advice on how to handle this. Yes i was rude, but i do not want to play the guilt game. This is business, therefore, no matter how sad it may be, that was none of my business and there was no need for them to be rude regardless of what was going on in their life.
(no subject) - conigliomannaro - Jul. 25th, 2011 10:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - poizenkat - Jul. 26th, 2011 12:33 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hollowzero - Jul. 26th, 2011 04:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - demon_merageshu - Jul. 26th, 2011 11:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kayla_la - Jul. 27th, 2011 12:07 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - poizenkat - Jul. 27th, 2011 12:53 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 25th, 2011 09:49 pm (UTC)
Yes, they were way too TMI.
How to handle it better? Don't get snippy back. I think you know this :P Just say "sorry for your loss. Please let me know when you expect to ship"
... unless of course they are dragging the deal on for weeks, and/or you are in danger of going past a deadline (paypal refund deadline, event you want the item for, whatever). THEN it's reasonable to say "I'm sorry to hear that but I need it by X"

It's true their business is not your business, and you might want to spread the word if you suspect they do this sort of thing chronically, but courtesy and professionalism are always things to strive for on both sides of a transaction.
Jul. 25th, 2011 09:56 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I'm not very good with emotion, so i did not know that i was getting so rude. I tried to keep it short and did not want to dwell on the conversation because it made me feel uncomfortable.
(no subject) - spiffystuff - Jul. 25th, 2011 10:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - poizenkat - Jul. 26th, 2011 12:36 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - poizenkat - Jul. 26th, 2011 12:36 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 26th, 2011 12:21 am (UTC)
I don't feel you were really that rude, her attitude and excuses were uncalled for.

Call me crazy, but who gives that much information out about miscarriages and other sad things for any other reason to get sympathy when dealing with a commissioner (unless the artist and commissioner are friends and aren't on bad terms as far as the art goes).

I would hate to accuse her about lying of a miscarriage because that is a HORRIBLE thing to happen and I wouldn't wish that on ANYONE. But the way she said it just, I don't know, screams playing the sympathy card to me. Especially when it was preceded with "I'll skip dinner tonight because of you".

If she did experience a miscarriage, then my heart goes out to her and her lost child, but I am still unimpressed by her attitude.
Jul. 26th, 2011 12:46 am (UTC)
FYI, Pollypuma is male. ;) Hard to tell from the name, I know.
(no subject) - kikai_saigono - Jul. 26th, 2011 01:04 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - harliquinnraver - Jul. 26th, 2011 01:16 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 26th, 2011 12:48 am (UTC)
When I read your post I felt my heart sink... I've had people try and guilt me using the miscarriage thing before, and I've firmly been told to step down. Once online and once in face-to-face interaction.

How funny the world is that for YOUR post everyone calls her unprofessional, as I would her too. (yet had I posted this, I promise you all the replies to it would have been a 180... how very weird the world is).

And I've never heard of gluing fur to leather... did you specify it to be sewn on at all? Seems like you shouldn't have to specify that, but I've learned through a few bad transactions myself to be VERY VERY specific and even send them drawings and schematics and... okay, now I'm being sarcastic but you get my drift.
Jul. 26th, 2011 12:53 am (UTC)
ugh that is horrible.

Ummm sorry?

The user has done a great deal of leather-based commissions. i thought they knew what they were doing, since i dont XD
(no subject) - grygon - Jul. 26th, 2011 01:06 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mrst4nkr - Jul. 26th, 2011 07:17 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - grygon - Jul. 26th, 2011 07:25 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mrst4nkr - Jul. 26th, 2011 08:02 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mrst4nkr - Jul. 26th, 2011 08:04 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - grygon - Jul. 26th, 2011 08:08 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - poizenkat - Jul. 26th, 2011 12:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - poizenkat - Jul. 26th, 2011 12:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hollowzero - Jul. 26th, 2011 04:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pollypuma - Jul. 27th, 2011 09:52 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - marus_puppy - Jul. 30th, 2011 03:14 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - poizenkat - Jul. 30th, 2011 04:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 26th, 2011 12:49 am (UTC)
I am not even the least bit surprised to see that its Pollypuma and his 'mate'.
Jul. 26th, 2011 12:50 am (UTC)
they have done this before?
(no subject) - harliquinnraver - Jul. 26th, 2011 12:51 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - poizenkat - Jul. 26th, 2011 12:56 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - harliquinnraver - Jul. 26th, 2011 01:14 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - poizenkat - Jul. 27th, 2011 12:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 26th, 2011 03:25 am (UTC)
thank you so much for letting us mourn the loss of our unborn son

Woah, wait... back up. Your email took what, maybe half an hour at MOST out of their day (unless they decided to spend the rest of the night worrying about it). This interaction should not detract from the mourning. I do not like it when people use guilt trips like that.

I pretty much agree with everyone here who said they dished out TMI. I understand giving the client a REASON for the lateness, but drawn out explanations become EXCUSES. It could have been handled much better, imho.
Jul. 26th, 2011 03:52 am (UTC)
I dunno, I'm in the boat that when its a business relationship, regardless of circumstances it is not your business and you aren't obligated to give them asspats and comfort them. You're someone buying something from them, not their best friend.

I know that must make me sound like a bitch, but please people, where else in life is any of this acceptable? I've gone to work after a relative died, because I could not get time off for it because it wasn't "significant enough", and even though I wasn't sunshiney and happy not once did a customer say "Oh I'm so sorry" they went to my supervisor and complained that I looked tired and grumpy, even though I did my best to be polite to them.

Now, in any normal type of job, most likely you would be able to get time off for a miscarriage... then again, this is presumably in the US, and here it's difficult to even get maternity leave at some places.

I do understand that it's a large disaster and very emotionally taxing and it would make lesser things slip their mind, but honestly it seems like they just pulled it out of the sympathy hat, I might be wrong but the way they talk it doesnt seem "real". They were guilt tripping about something else first, and then upon seeing that it didn't work, all the sudden it was something else.

If the first message they sent was "I'm sorry, we're dealing with a miscarriage right now, can you please give us a week or two to recover" the response might have been different, but no, they were griping about having no money and no address, even though addresses are clearly given when you purchase via paypal.

Overall, I can see what people are saying- yes it's tough, and if it really happened to them I am really sorry. But the way they came out with it, and the way they talked, it seemed like they just wanted something new to guilt trip the op with- it didn't seem like it was the "real" issue, or like it mattered to them at all until they realized the OP didn't feel oh-so sorry for them.

These are a pair I'll be avoiding as well.
Jul. 26th, 2011 11:55 pm (UTC)
Please get to know us before passing judgement on us
you know - shibaskunk - Feb. 12th, 2012 05:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
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