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In Need of Advice...

Not necessarily a Beware; I'm in need of advice.

Okay, so, I've been in contact with this someone for a few months now. Right off the bat I knew this guy was not intelligent, and I was rather suspicious. We net via Concept Art, and he decided to bug me on AIM. I talked to him, albeit begrudgingly, for a while. Then, I end up showing him my user page on Fur Affinity. He was rather stunned, and i told him I make money via online commissions.

What does he do? He ends up buying two commissions from me, throwing out 110 of his money, because he COULD NOT decide what he wanted! As in, composition wise. I tried to tell him that, no, I could not accept the money until he knew what he had in mind for the commissions, but he was rather stubborn and tossed childish logic at me. Shaking it off, and seeing as he barraged me for a couple of days, I relented, and gave him my paypal address.

He sent the 110, and I, quite literally, bugged him for WEEKS about the commissions. I felt antsy and nervous because I wanted to have the agreement set in stone, afraid he could rip me off by taking the money back and giving paypal an asinine excuse when he gave me nothing to work from in the first place.

That's not the weird part, either. The weird part is he tried to get to know me. Personally. I'm 15, this man is 24, and he told me he loved me, and that I was beautiful. I, indirectly, called him a pedophile at one point, and he took offense. Though, remembering our transaction, and not wanting it to end on a sour note, I patched it up, and again asked him about his commission.

He flipped out on me, yet again, accusing me of being distant, telling me to fuck off, and saying I only wanted to talk to him so I could get money out of him.

Note that I did not know this guy personally. I didn't even know his name by this point. We stop communication For a few weeks, and Thanksgiving rolls around. I tell him Happy Thanksgiving just because I felt mean for not talking to him.

We start up communication again by this point, and I ask him if he would like a refund of his money, as he did not tell me what he wanted, and I would've felt a whole mess better had he just taken his money back. Did he take his money back? No. He starts talking to me about getting a new motorcycle. Again. And, he tells me he wants me to do a motorcycle wrap for him. (This was a bit before Thanksgiving and our second fall out. Sorry for being out of order. : X )

I kinda scratched my head, but agreed. Like an idiot. A few months went by, and my mother fell into a deeper financial hole. I've been helping the family out by stockpiling commission money away, and making sure people get their artwork in return, and he was no different. I kept asking him for the 400 for the commission to help out my family. Did he ever listen? No.

Instead, he tried to send my family food stamps, bought me a few things for Christmas, (From my public Amazon wishlist.. It made me -very- uncomfortable; even more so after I told him I didn't want anything.) and a few times, subtly tried to get my home address. Alarm bells were going off in my head by this point, and I just avoided AIM altogether for a while.

I get back on AIM a couple of weeks later, and he tells me he needs my paypal address. I knew he wouldn't relent. So; begrudgingly, I gave him my address. This was about a week and a half ago. Have I heard from him since? Nope.

Okay, just as a recap, he's thrown around money and told me to keep it. I try to get some semblence of coherent thought and intelligence with his money on his part, but he has thusfar shown none. He tosses 110 at me with no intent of EVER trying to figure out what he wants me to draw for him, (And STILL hasn't.) and has refused a refund from me. He has been rather creepy towards my person, in a -way- too nice and friendly way, has been a total headache to work with, and has thusfar said he will pay me the 400 for his motorcycle wrap, but hasn't done so for almost two and a half months. And the last week and a half he has fallen off the face of the earth.

I honestly have no idea what to do about the situation anymore. It's troubling and niggling at the back of my head at all times, but I can't rectify the situation without his full cooperation, which he has not been giving me. Please, please, please, if you guys could toss your words of wisdom my way I'd be very happy; as I myself just can't handle the situation anymore.

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Comments

( 69 comments — Leave a comment )
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anjel_kitty
Jan. 22nd, 2009 01:52 am (UTC)
This man's contact with you is illegal. If you're 15 and he is just giving you money and is trying to get your address, that just leads me to believe he wants to do inappropriate things with you. I would send him a very firm and civil email telling him that you need to know what he wants for a commission by this date, or you will see his money as forfeit if he does not want to take it back. It is good that you have such insight at 15 and I thinks he expects you to be more receptive eventually, but these sort of people pray on young girls naivety, and so you need to just be straight up with him and if he does not comply, cut off contact. Don't wish him Happy Thanksgiving, don't msg him becaues you feel bad. I've seen creepy guys do this to artist before, but the fact this guy is so insistent and you are still a minor is very unsettling, and I would Highly advise you cut contact.
empressamihisss
Jan. 22nd, 2009 02:36 am (UTC)
I have done so as of a few hours ago. :) Of course this man will get no message from me what-so-ever if I, "feel bad" about not messaging him. (I meant, because it was a Holiday, and we had had a rather nasty falling out. I'm way too nice, but I've been having alarm bells since that point in time.)
(no subject) - anjel_kitty - Jan. 22nd, 2009 02:42 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fyphfoko - Jan. 22nd, 2009 03:45 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fyphfoko - Jan. 22nd, 2009 03:46 am (UTC) - Expand
growly
Jan. 22nd, 2009 01:53 am (UTC)
Forcefully refund and block. :/ He sounds REALLY fucking creepy, like stalkerish.
starcharmer
Jan. 22nd, 2009 02:15 am (UTC)
This. I'd just refund his money and tell him you're sorry but you can't do the wrap anymore. I'd probably block him as well, and on FA and CA [if that's possible on CA].
(no subject) - lilstiney - Jan. 22nd, 2009 09:40 am (UTC) - Expand
ursulav
Jan. 22nd, 2009 01:57 am (UTC)
Gifts on their part do not obligate anything on your part (and yes, it's creepy.)

You're way too young--I mean this legally, not condescendingly--for this to be in any way shape or form healthy or normal for this guy to be doing. This is seriously weirdo behavior and you're right to find it such. You don't have to take it, you don't have to deal with it, and the fact he's given you stuff doesn't obligate you to ANYTHING.

Be grateful he's fallen off the face of the earth, pray to god he doesn't come back, if he does, don't reply to his e-mails. Don't send him letters trying to explain your side, don't talk to him out of pity--don't deal with him AT ALL.

This is freaky weird stalker behavior. People like this are trying to get contact with you. They don't care what the contact is, and if they nag you and act weird at you and you respond, what they learn is not that they shouldn't DO this, it's that what they need to get a response out of you is to be naggy and weird.

That said--for professionalism's sake, if he comes back and asks for a refund, try to give him one, but that's the ONLY contact I'd have with him.
ursulav
Jan. 22nd, 2009 01:59 am (UTC)
Also--forgive me if this sounds hopelessly old of me, but have you mentioned this to your parents? You haven't done anything wrong, you shouldn't be embarassed to do so, and if dude is trying to get your home address, there are some major safety reasons why you might wanna mention it to them.
(no subject) - empressamihisss - Jan. 22nd, 2009 02:39 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - lilstiney - Jan. 22nd, 2009 09:42 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - empressamihisss - Jan. 22nd, 2009 02:52 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - missixis - Jan. 22nd, 2009 11:05 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - empressamihisss - Jan. 23rd, 2009 12:31 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - vulgaris - Jan. 22nd, 2009 03:15 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - empressamihisss - Jan. 22nd, 2009 03:35 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pkbitchgirl - Jan. 27th, 2009 01:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
fatkraken
Jan. 22nd, 2009 02:00 am (UTC)
get out. Refund the money, all of it, and cut off all contact. If he's bouncing your paypal transactions (can you do that?) send the refund in a way he can't refuse, bank transfer or cash or something. Block him from AIM, any packages he sends post back with "return to sender". Do not accept any more work from him. This guy sounds like a MASSIVE creep and you need to get away from the situation as soon as possible.

I know money is tight, but you do NOT need it from a 24 year old nutter who doesn't understand the concept of boundaries (and probably won't follow up on any comission stuff anyway)
empressamihisss
Jan. 22nd, 2009 02:42 am (UTC)
Of course! I'm not allowing myself to gamble with something like this. I'm making damn sure this guy will never be able to contact me again after I can give him his money back.
(no subject) - cissa - Jan. 23rd, 2009 09:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - empressamihisss - Jan. 24th, 2009 01:13 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - cissa - Jan. 24th, 2009 05:03 am (UTC) - Expand
celestinaketzia
Jan. 22nd, 2009 02:00 am (UTC)
Like the two above said, he sends all sorts of red flags flying. Take down anything that he can use to send you a gift. (The Amazon wishlist... etc. or hide it)

Sometimes people give you gifts to be nice, and other times they just come off being creepy. The fact that he's that much older than you makes it really creepy. Don't give into anything and block him. If you can forcefully refund, then do it.
westly_roanoke
Jan. 22nd, 2009 02:04 am (UTC)
Run like the wind.

As everyone else has said. Force a refund and block.

Contact PayPal if you have to to do it...
martes
Jan. 22nd, 2009 02:23 am (UTC)
Refund the money, tell your parents, and contact the police. Save any emails or AIMS, particularly ones where he says he loves you. If he has your PayPal form he probably has your mailing adress. A call or visit from the police will scare the bejesus out of him, and will leave a papertrail in case you need to take further action. If he's done this to you he's probably going to do it to another teenage girl, and if getting the law involved now will prevent a girl from being victimized then you should do it.
empressamihisss
Jan. 22nd, 2009 02:45 am (UTC)
I've told my mom, my dad doesn't know anything about my commissioning nature, (Divorced parents. Baw.) sadly I don't think I've saved any of the AIM conversations.

He only has the e-mail, and all I know is his name is Chris. (Or so he says.. But he was dumb enough to give me a photo of himself... Which I HOPE I saved. x_x)
(no subject) - candiedmouth - Jan. 28th, 2009 01:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - solid_squid - Jan. 22nd, 2009 10:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
warsawkook
Jan. 22nd, 2009 02:34 am (UTC)
Get out of this situation ASAP. Block him on AIM, on FA, everywhere else, Email him "ideas by x date or I'm refunding the money", bounce the money back when he doesn't respond with ideas, and block him from your EMail.

DON'T let him get a hold of any further information from you, contact or personal or anything. (You would be SHOCKED how easy it is to get someone's detailed personal info with just their name alone, but if he IS as dumb as you say... hopefully he doesn't know the tricks of the trade.)

Seriously, from someone who's dealt with people like this - just GTFO NOW before something stupid and/or ugly happens. - and if he persists then get the authorities involved. He may himself be physically harmless, BUT the mental anguish it causes you will be enough.
empressamihisss
Jan. 22nd, 2009 02:48 am (UTC)
Exactly my plan. But honestly, I think by this point, even so much as asking him, when I have gone months and months of waiting for a reply to what he wants,. would be too much. I'll refund him, and block contact. That will be the end of it.

I'll be sure to notify the authorities if anything ugly happens, but for now - I'm just going to do the professional thing. Refunding him and blocking him.
hobokitten
Jan. 22nd, 2009 02:35 am (UTC)
I agree with every one here :|
It is really not worth the risk. this guy sends up major creepy red flags.
Money may be tight, but this may be your safety your gambling with.
(Deleted comment)
katze_neko_mew
Jan. 22nd, 2009 03:03 am (UTC)
I agree. Get the police involved no matter what you have to do to convince them, but showing them the AIM convos will be enough if they're up to snuff on predators and stuff. Ever heard of Cris Hansen? Dateline? Yeah, look them up. This shit happens, and you better stay careful and stay safe. Thank god your mom knows. Good girl there.
(no subject) - megkillssugar - Jan. 22nd, 2009 03:20 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - empressamihisss - Jan. 22nd, 2009 03:37 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - megkillssugar - Jan. 22nd, 2009 03:43 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - captpackrat - Jan. 22nd, 2009 11:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - empressamihisss - Jan. 23rd, 2009 12:47 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - dirtiran - Jan. 24th, 2009 06:35 am (UTC) - Expand
oceandezignz
Jan. 22nd, 2009 03:49 am (UTC)
I agree with everyone to the tenth power D: Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!
If you're using the newest version of AIM, I could have sworn it did you the favor of 'auto-logging'. I can't recall if thats for sure or not but IF (strong IF) you go on AIM and deal with this man again - pleaassseee make sure its on. Hard evidence is hard. He can't simper and say 'she owed me' when there are logs of him HITTING on you instead of doing business.

Also, do yourself a favor and get the admins CA in on that - I don't think they'd enjoy knowing someone is using their services to get underaged internet booty... seriously. :/

You seem to have most of your bases covered already which is excellent. I applaud you. Good luck and keep us posted maybe if you can.
empressamihisss
Jan. 22nd, 2009 03:57 am (UTC)
Re: I agree with everyone to the tenth power D: Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!
Oh, I definitely will keep ya'll posted. :3

Oh hey, I actually didn't think to contact the CA admins.. Yeah, the thing was, at first I thought the guy was a troll.

He said his friend was an artist, and so he wanted to try his hand. What did he show me? A knight and a castle. :| Only it looked like a three year old did it.

And he was actually serious about it. My troll senses tingled TO THE MAX by the piont, but then gave way to pedo-vibes.. Eurgh.
weirdmisty
Jan. 22nd, 2009 04:01 am (UTC)
Everyone before has already given good advice about avoiding the guy, so I'll move past that one. However, you are gonna want to save any chat longs, emails, private messages, or anything else you have from him. If it becomes necessary, any leftovers from your contact with him can be used as evidence; there's a good chance that his behavior falls under at least one of several laws regarding contacting minors.
(Deleted comment)
empressamihisss
Jan. 22nd, 2009 04:58 am (UTC)
Alarm bells didn't go off as quickly because my niche of people I communicate with is.. dodgy at best. But this guy..

I'm not naive, I don't give out my address or ANY personal contact information to people over the 'net.. :/ (Unless it's an actual business transaction, by which case the money order is forwarded to my mothers office address.)
neolucky
Jan. 22nd, 2009 06:48 am (UTC)
I'd personally like to know what this guy goes by online for future "DO AVOID" list.

I've dealt with similar, almost exact situations. Everything else has been pretty much covered. This shouldn't be just an 'advice' post, but an honest 'beware' one.
digitalis
Jan. 22nd, 2009 06:57 am (UTC)
I can only agree with the very good advice you've gotten from other folks here, stop all contact with this guy (so creepy!), keep a log, and keep your mom in the loop.
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