hytyle wrote in artists_beware

Lasting Anxieties After an AB Post.

I'm not entirely certain if this is an appropriate post, but after reviewing the rules, I'd hope that It's alright? This is mainly advice related to my experiences with AB. I'm not sure if there is a more appropriate tag for this, but seeing as I'm a commissioner, I'm hoping this is correct.

Around 5/6 months ago I've had an AB post made about me. It ended up being this week long debacle that caused me to snap at the artist who made the post along with several other individuals who called me out. I was bitter at the time and by the time I had calmed down, I had already embarrassed myself, and my apology looked desperate and fake. The entire experience was very embarrassing for me, but I realize that It was a lesson I needed to learn early before I had done what I did to more people; I only wish that I had handled it better after having calmed down and reflected on the entire situation before making my reply. My behavior was very childish and rash, I understand that now, and I understand where I went wrong and why what happened, needed to happen.

Despite all that, though, I'm hoping that the majority of people don't see the following as sympathy garnering, and that my concerns aren't petty.

Immediately following my apology and payment to the artist. I messaged an AB moderator, asking what more I could do to help my case, and what I could do to prove my apology to be genuine and show just how decent of a person I could be despite the blowout. I explained that I was a regular commissioner and that commissioning and having personal connections with artists amidst our business was a hobby of mine. I explained that this damaging my name, whilst justified, was a devastating blow to me, and was a hopefully understandable means for anxiety in the future.  I was afraid that people in the future would dig out of curiosity, find the post, which would embarrass me if it was a friend, and would worry me if it was an artist. The reply I had gotten was to assure me that everything would be fine If I were to go about my day. Which I trusted.

Although I have heard nothing of my AB status since from any outsiders since, It still bothers me that this had happened and It was set in stone forever, and that anyone could discover it with a series of clicks. Being an admittedly prideful person, This thought bothers me almost daily. I want to clear my head of these anxieties and the paranoia I have, either through psychological changes, attitude adjustments or through clearing my name and proving my respect for artists in any way I can. This was more embarrassing than high-school!

Is this a common theme people face? Is there anything I can do to further reassure myself and prove that I've bettered myself since this event? Is there anyway I can prove to newcomers that despite what they read, that they can trust that I'm a trustworthy commissioner? Sometimes I feel that a "resolved" tag isn't enough, and that there should be some suggestions on what people can do to better themselves after an AB is posted on them.

Thank you so much.


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